So here I am, back in my little box of a dorm. I'm enjoying my nightly chamomille tea while listening to Iron & Wine and Ray LaMontagne. First, something half-good/half-bad happens: my phone rings. It's him. "Hey. I feel really badly about kinda blowing you off. I was getting dinner with one of my best friends, and I haven't seen him in a really long time, and I didn't want you to feel left out. But I kinda feel like I left you out anyway. So to make it up to you, wanna go to dinner tomorrow night with my family? I want them to meet you." I agreed. I'm not entirely sure if I should have. I'm going to have to eat like a normal person, especially if they offer to pay. OHMYGODWHATDIDIJUSTGETMYSELFINTO?!?!?
Shortly after we've hung up, my roomate gets in from contra. We're talking like we normally do, and somehow the topic of eating comes up. So she looks at me, all dramatic-like (she is an actress...) and says, "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. (insert long dramatic pause here) Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but a lot of us have been worried about you lately."
"Oh? Like who? About what?"
"I don't really feel comfortable saying who. But five or six people have come up to me and commented about how unhealthy and skinny you look. You look sick. We've also been noticing that you either don't show up at meals and when you're there you don't eat them... And you know, I've been hearing you run the water when you go into the bathroom, and I always hear you flush multiple times. Don't think I don't know what's going on. I think you have a problem, Margaret."
"Don't be stupid. I eat all the fucking time. You even said so yourself like, three nights ago. You guys are making stupid judgements. There's nothing wrong. I'm just....stressed. That's all. Yeah, I lose weight when I'm stressed."
"Okay then...admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery...."
Then a thought that could only run through the mind of a disgruntled anorexic ran through my disgruntled, anorexic mind: You're only jealous...
I honestly do not know what to do right now. I'm on the verge of break down. I just want to make a nest-burrow out of down comforters and sleep until all of this is over. Sleep forever. Sleep and escape.