10 October 2009

Um, Excuse Me? What?!

So here I am, back in my little box of a dorm. I'm enjoying my nightly chamomille tea while listening to Iron & Wine and Ray LaMontagne. First, something half-good/half-bad happens: my phone rings. It's him. "Hey. I feel really badly about kinda blowing you off. I was getting dinner with one of my best friends, and I haven't seen him in a really long time, and I didn't want you to feel left out. But I kinda feel like I left you out anyway. So to make it up to you, wanna go to dinner tomorrow night with my family? I want them to meet you." I agreed. I'm not entirely sure if I should have. I'm going to have to eat like a normal person, especially if they offer to pay. OHMYGODWHATDIDIJUSTGETMYSELFINTO?!?!?

Shortly after we've hung up, my roomate gets in from contra. We're talking like we normally do, and somehow the topic of eating comes up. So she looks at me, all dramatic-like (she is an actress...) and says, "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. (insert long dramatic pause here) Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but a lot of us have been worried about you lately."
"Oh? Like who? About what?"
"I don't really feel comfortable saying who. But five or six people have come up to me and commented about how unhealthy and skinny you look. You look sick. We've also been noticing that you either don't show up at meals and when you're there you don't eat them... And you know, I've been hearing you run the water when you go into the bathroom, and I always hear you flush multiple times. Don't think I don't know what's going on. I think you have a problem, Margaret."
"Don't be stupid. I eat all the fucking time. You even said so yourself like, three nights ago. You guys are making stupid judgements. There's nothing wrong. I'm just....stressed. That's all. Yeah, I lose weight when I'm stressed."
"Okay then...admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery...."
Then a thought that could only run through the mind of a disgruntled anorexic ran through my disgruntled, anorexic mind: You're only jealous...

I honestly do not know what to do right now. I'm on the verge of break down. I just want to make a nest-burrow out of down comforters and sleep until all of this is over. Sleep forever. Sleep and escape.

Love you,


  1. Oh, God, Margie, this is not good.

    It's none of their business. I don't know your roommate at all, but I think she seems the kind of person who likes a bit of drama, but will move on to the next new thing. So maybe if you can lay low until something new comes by to attract her attention, you may be able to escape. But if there were others involved... I don't even know. Wait. She wouldn't say their names. She may have been fibbing to give her more leverage. Could that be a possibility? Perhaps just eat really well and regularly in front of her, even if you trash it or fake it soon after. And try puking in the shower, maybe? Into a plastic container, and empty it into the toilet? But you'd still have to flush, though. Or purge elsewhere? Gosh, that's a hard one.

    I bet she's a combination of jealous and drama-seeking, not worried at all. Just lay low for all you're worth, your life pretty much depends on it, almost. You may even have to give in and gain a few, just know that you can lose them in the future.

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you, especially right now, Margie.

    On a totally other note, I just discovered Iron & Wine yesterday, no joke! And fell in love with them, no accident.

  2. Oh no :(
    Firstly, I agree with *Mad Bird* in the case that it's none of their business. I mean, it's alright that they're concerned n' all but they should keep it to themselves y'know.
    Sometimes I think that people don't understand what a bind having an ED is. They say they have a problem with it as if you're gonna say "well, in that case I'll stop then."
    It's not that easy at all.
    Meh :(

    Iron and Wine <3 <3 <3

  3. Well, that really stinks. Like everybody else said, its not their buisness. Especially since its your roomate not like a close friend or a family member. She should really have been smarter than just talking to you, your roomate should have found a number of somebody close to you and called them and talked about it. But thank god shes not very smart. If I were you, just be thankful all she did was talk to you about it. I wouldn't let this one little setback hurt you. Who cares what anybody thinks anyways? Maybe try keeping snacks in your dorm in plain sight, then dispose of a few a day in a garbage can outside your dorm. That way she can plainly see that you and food are not a big deal.

    Hope she moves on to something else!

    Much Love,