12 October 2009

(Insert The Saddest Pathetic Sqeak of a Noise Ever Here and You'll Have the Noises I Am Currently Making)

I am on my bed sobbingsobbingsobbing and shakingshakingshaking. I just went on the binge of the century. I just ate a whole bag of oreos, an entire loaf of bread smothered in butter and pasta sauce, a jar of pickles, and lots of other things that I don't remember eating.
I've given myself a migraine from ramming my fingers down my throat (rather pointlessly, because I'm puking nothing but diet coke and teeny little bits of bread) and I'm sure the entire fucking hall can hear me retching, 'cause Chairman Mao just gave me a call and said, "Would you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep over here, s'il vous plait!" And I just want to vomit until my stomach comes up with it so I can't ever eat again.
Earlier today, I quite purposefully scalded my tongue to keep myself from binging, but it didn't work, obviously.
I really don't know what to do. I HAVE to be thin. No matter what drastic measures it takes.
I know I say this almost every post, and everytime I mean it stronger and stronger.
I hate myself. I really and truly utterly loathe myself.



  1. don't hate your self!! your such ultimate thinspo to all of us!
    please feel better! & don't beat on your self to hard!

  2. well i love you enough to make up for all that hating of yourself that's going on. so we're even, ok?? so you can relax. does that logic make any sense? of course not. but it's still true.

    JUICE FAST FOREVER!! MONTREZ-MOI LE JUS!! i am SO SO SO glad to have a partner in crime! our previous 5-day fast was wonderful and i think i only made it because of you. so this time you will succeed in the juice fast because of me. right? RIGHT? no more loaves of bread. no more whole packages of oreos (I have done that before :D). we will be thin and we will have ourselves under control.

    please do not hurt yourself while you try to purge! i understand the need but it's important to not die. ok? i went for a full year and a half never being able to purge. this summer i sat down and made a serious and calculated effort to learn how, internet research and everything. is that fucked up? i hope you are saying yes because it is. but i did it nonetheless. anyway i still cannot get bread products up very well which explains why you can't get up the loaf bread. but don't worry, ok? we will have a 5-day juice fast which will more than make up for whatever you ate today.

    you are lovely and amazing and i seriously do not know what i would do without you :D

    LOVE xxoxoxo

  3. Huh, well, I think you're kind of... (hmmm, what'sthewordwhat'sthewordwhat'stheword??) AMAZING!

    Last night, I discovered something: I cannot purge. Wait, I can't purge?

    Why not?

    I've done research online, and everything. But all it comes up with is how to purge a computer system.

    Pfffft! Useless!

    And Oreos... If I was going to binge (like you did, and I did, and I'm sure another sixty of us did) then, Oreos would be the most fabulastspastic edible items to choose.

    Thereforely you are the most fabulastspastic person in the world. I'll try to comment more, now.

    Stop being so SILENT, Isabella.


    exxxx oh exxxx oh exxxx

  4. Awww babes *cuddles*
    I hatehatehatehate binging.
    It'll be alright :)