to be forever in the grasps of fat and failure.I had a terrible food day. I disgust myself. No control; no discipline.
I'm utterly pathetic, and will never, ever be good enough. Ever.
I want to fix it, this broken up mess that has become my life, but I can't.
I want to be thin.
I want my family to work again.
I want to be loved.
I want to be a good student.
I want to be a good artist.
But none of that will ever happen. I'm just not good enough.
And I never will be good enough.
Ever.
Love you always (hate me always)
Margie.
Don't beat yourself up. Then all of your motivation to not fuck up will be gone. I do the same thing with school. I'll wallow in self-pity and then never even attempt to pick myself up again.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel sorry for yourself. It never did anyone any good, and it never made gave anyone a well-rounded personality (don't take that as a fat reference).
Just chill out and do one thing at a time. Baby steps are harder to trip over.
I want to be good, too. I know that awful inadequacy and shortcoming. Life is just not worth it if you can't be worth something, if you can't be a good girl, if people can't be proud of you. I'm sorry you feel bad, Margie. Chin up, if you can.
ReplyDeleteAnd horrid picture, it's making me giggle in my head (I'm in the library).
i am sure you are much more than you think yourself to be.
ReplyDeleteyou have no one to prove this to, except yourself. we all struggle and fail at times .. but it is in failure where our true character and self discipline shows.
xxobeezaa