16 October 2009

Let The Weight Gain Diet Begin.

Oh boy. Have I eaten today, or what?
I ended my fast today. And I am eating. Kind of like a normal person.
I really really really really really really want to purge. I'm very uncomfortably full right now. I feel sick and sleepy. Because I've lost my sense of sensible eating, so my eating like a normal person is hurried binging, like if I don't get every bite of food in front of me down in five minutes, someone is going to steal it.
I'm not going to count calories during this time, because I know that I'll probably totally and comepletely lose it and purgepurgepurgepurge. Which I am dying to do right about now....
I'm going out to dinner lately, and then to the State Fair after that. The chances I will binge are EXTREMELY high. Ugh.
I'm feeling incredible shaky and scared. I can feel myself becoming nasty and doughy already. Who knows how long this will last.

b- 2 chocolate croissants, pumpkin spice latte
l- jimmy johns veggie sub
d- tortilla soup
s- french fries, 1/2 a funnel cake

More than I normally eat in two days in two meals. OHMYGODIMGOINGTOFREAKINGDIEOHMYGOD

Love you always,


  1. Normal people don't purge. You will not become doughy and fat from purging. I want to say don't be scared, but don't worry about what? Weight gain? Then don't. But hurting your body? You may have to worry. But that's coming from a bulimic herself...

    You just have been fasting. Yes, of course you are going to want food, and all the food in the world. Don't beat yourself up, please.

    I hope you feel better, Margie.

  2. Aw hunny you poor thing!
    My gosh. It'll be alright once you get your pills, then you can start losing again :)