I just got off the phone with my mom. I called her to talk about getting back on my adderal, to get me focused (which I am not, I have terrible ADD) and to help me lop off a few extra pounds. She says, "How much do you weigh?" I lied and told her niney-five. She said, "There's no way you weight that much. Get yourself to a hundred pounds and we'll start your adderal again."
FUCK. I need that adderal.
But, I've constructed a plan.
I will gain weight, probably around five pounds. Eight at most. Definately no more than eight. I'll eat and drink loads before her little weigh-in, to add a few pounds of temporary weight. I'll get my adderal and then once I start taking it again, I'll be able to fast and diet and excercize like nobody's business, thanks to addy's incredible appetite crushing ability, and that weight should come right off.
So after I finish this fast, I will start my terrible, horrible, horrifying (I really am terrified...) journey into the realms of my old, fat-covered world.
Ninety five pounds...oof. Sounds cushy and gooey and sticky, like sitting in icing. Gross.
I might actually miss having a prepetually bruised ass. I know I'll miss my creepy clavicle. And my pretty little pointy hipbones. And my stegasaurus spine. And back ribs.
But they will be back. Oh, they will be back and better than ever.
After I get my adderal, I will be starting a partial-liquid diet. I will eat soup! Nice, warm, filling soup. That will deal with my savoury cravings. Pickles (and there lovely juice) will be my salty cravings. Fruit juice will smash my sweet cravings. And for that nasty chocolate craving, I will drink chocolate soy milk. And of course. LOTS of water. And Diet Coke. As always.
Love you always,