15 October 2009

Freaking Dammit..but This Could Work Out Well.

I just got off the phone with my mom. I called her to talk about getting back on my adderal, to get me focused (which I am not, I have terrible ADD) and to help me lop off a few extra pounds. She says, "How much do you weigh?" I lied and told her niney-five. She said, "There's no way you weight that much. Get yourself to a hundred pounds and we'll start your adderal again."
FUCK. I need that adderal.
But, I've constructed a plan.
I will gain weight, probably around five pounds. Eight at most. Definately no more than eight. I'll eat and drink loads before her little weigh-in, to add a few pounds of temporary weight. I'll get my adderal and then once I start taking it again, I'll be able to fast and diet and excercize like nobody's business, thanks to addy's incredible appetite crushing ability, and that weight should come right off.
So after I finish this fast, I will start my terrible, horrible, horrifying (I really am terrified...) journey into the realms of my old, fat-covered world.
Ninety five pounds...oof. Sounds cushy and gooey and sticky, like sitting in icing. Gross.
I might actually miss having a prepetually bruised ass. I know I'll miss my creepy clavicle. And my pretty little pointy hipbones. And my stegasaurus spine. And back ribs.
But they will be back. Oh, they will be back and better than ever.
After I get my adderal, I will be starting a partial-liquid diet. I will eat soup! Nice, warm, filling soup. That will deal with my savoury cravings. Pickles (and there lovely juice) will be my salty cravings. Fruit juice will smash my sweet cravings. And for that nasty chocolate craving, I will drink chocolate soy milk. And of course. LOTS of water. And Diet Coke. As always.

Love you always,

1 comment:

  1. MOTHERFUCKER just wrote a damn long comment that Blogger vanished miraculously into the ether. to sum up:

    i love your plan! it's a grandiose long-term plan! you must remember the long-term effects as you gain weight, every time you get on the scale, every time you eat. otherwise you will crumple and cry a lot. go write the plan (or some code thereof) on your arm so it's always there to remember. DO THIS NOW. use sharpies.

    have you written it on your arm?

    now please note for the record that i am only half an inch taller than you and 98 lbs and i have a dinosaur spine and can see some ribs much of the time and collarbones. so you will not become a squishy pillowy blob at 95 lbs because if you are then that means i am an ultra squishy pillowy gooey nasty blob right now and i am trying very hard to believe that i'm not. so don't worry please.

    also i cannot believe that you told your mom you wanted adderal to lose weight!! is she blind? does she not see what's going on? if i told my parents that i skipped dinner once, they would be all over me and putting me in therapy despite the fact that i have (had) been healthy for 7 years. that is crazy.

    but I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR PLAN! i am in full support. also i think it's very good for you to eat a little bit for a little while because you need to stop passing out and worrying your friends. this is your grand opportunity to put all your friends' fears at rest! say you're getting better! say you're working on it! and all that. and it will help your little hibernating metabolism.

    LOVE and LOVE and LOVE and LOVE ! xioxooxxxxoxoxo