08 October 2009

Some Stupid Rant.

I am in such a bad mood today. It's probably just the fact that I haven't eaten today and binged last night and I've been back and forth to the bathroom over fifteen minutes today, but still. I feel like venting/ranting.
So, first off.
I'm really, really, really getting annoyed at how much of a passive-aggressive bitch my roomate can be. And how hypocritical she is. And how much of a drama queen she is.
She has got it all- she's rich, her parents would do anything for her, her boyfriend is perfect (I'm not exaggerating- he really is perfect) she's gorgeous, and stylish. The list goes on. But all that girl does is bitch and moan. She even bitches about how perfect her life is! I mean, seriously?!
I think I'm mostly jealous. I've never been a "normal" kid, with my issues and all. She has been. And I hate watching her get to be upset about normal teenage stuff.
For instance: she was really upset today because her dad doesn't approve of the two-year age difference between her and her boyfriend. They are still allowed to be together, things are still working out very well, but her dad doesn't like the fact that he's in college. So she had a full-on sobbing breakdown. I think most girls of my age would do that, maybe.
The thing is, I was ready to scream, "Would you just please quit your fucking moaning for one fucking day?! I am going through serious emotional turmoil right now, and you don't see me complaining to everyone about it!!! Who gives a fuck that your dad doesn't like how old your boyfriend is!?!?" I'm really glad I didn't. I almost did.
I wish I got to cry about stuff like that. "Normal" stuff.
Instead I cry over eating a bowl of sprinkles. I cry over gaining a pound.
I cry because I'm weak. I cry because I don't know what might happen to me; I can't answer that classic interview question, "where do you see yourself in five years?" trufully.
Will I even be alive in five years? I don't know.

Love you,


  1. oh, please please be alive in five years. ok? i know we just met and all that but i need you around. no death, ok?

    also p.s. being sixteen was the WORST time of my life. i am not exaggerating. yes maybe i have returned to a fucked up state now, hmm, 8 years later, but things have only gotten better since then. life on the whole is better, more enjoyable, more manageable, all that. and i hear tell that it continues to get better as you get older. i have this from a reliable source, so believe me. THEREFORE it is highly important that you make sure you are not dead in 5 years. do you really want to die at the WORST age of your life and not even get to experience things getting better? college will be better than high school (yes, even than art school, if you go to the right college). life after college is generally better than college too. and so on.

    ok this wasn't supposed to be one big giant comment on "why margaret should stay alive for at least five years", so sorry! i mostly just wanted to say that being 16 sucks and things DO get better.

    and at least you have something legitimate to cry about! although i'm sure her drama is just as real to her as yours is to you and a starving ethiopian girl's is to her.

    here is what i have eaten today: shit-tons of vanilla frosting, mango licorice, a tootsie roll, diet cherry 7up, and a pickle. so if you are dead in five years i might be too--fat and over-sugared!

    LOVE and LOVE and LOVE and LOVE xoxox

  2. I don't really know what to say, except that I understand what you're saying, and I'm have the same frustrations. In fact, I think I can pull up in my offline journal right now the same thing in my own wording. Hang in there, dear. What you are going through is so much bigger and deeper.

    For those who know, no explanation is necessary; for those who do not, no explanation will suffice. Or something along those lines.

    Is this making sense? I think I'm rambling. It's bedtime.

    Sleep well, and yes, BE ALIVE in five, ten, fifty years, dear.

  3. Maybe it is jealously like you said, you deserve to be able to freak out over normal teenage shit, and it sucks that you feel you cant - and that you have such big things to contend with in your life. Most people have things relatively easy like no big issues that consume their very being, but the only thing I can say is what doesnt kill you really does only make you stronger.

    So please Margaret, don't go dying on us. Maybe take a step back, eat something, enjoy life. Tell your parents its gone to far and you need help. Because well the simple truth, you can't be perfect if your dead.

    much love