21 October 2009

A Lot More Than Melancholy.

I binged on fucking Reese's cups today. I ate six. 780 fucking calories and 45 fucking grams of fat.

He was quiet today. He didn't want to seem to talk to me.
He was almost twenty minutes late.
We were eating dinner. My roommate joined us. She flirted with him.
I think he flirted back. My roommate joked about my dying gradmother.
They both commented on my weight.

I just want to run back to the way things used to be.
Before everything went wrong.

I'm so fucking tired.

8:34 pm, EST.
He calls.
"Hey, listen. I'm really sorry about dinner. I know you wanted it to be just us."
"It's okay."
"Come downstairs if you can."

I went, and there he was, just getting back from the grocer's. His long, curly hair was in a ponytail, with the bits of hair that had fallen out around his face. His cheeks were flushed from the cold. I always forget how handsome he is.
He had two bags. He reached inside the bag in his left hand, and pulled out a jar of pickles.

"Your favorite kind."
"That they are." I was smiling. I reached for them.
"Hang on there, mon petite fille."
He twisted off the top, something I always have trouble with.
"There you go. And, I'm sorry."
"I know."

He held me close and kissed the top of my head. We said goodnight, and went our own ways.

And as for the clouds, just let them roll away.

Love you always.


  1. That was really sweet. How does he know your favorite pickles and to get your lid off? That really is lovely.

    What a beeotch, your roommate. She still at it? Sheesh, she needs to get a life.

    I like your quote, where'd you get it?

    Sleep well, dear.

  2. Joking about you dying grandmother? Jesus Christ...

    The pickle gesture is classic. Very cute.

  3. Hmm, I'll have to go and listen sometime. And I'm feeling good about the yogurt. That is one of the few foods I actually LIKE, as in enjoy. There are 2 brands I enjoy (both organic): Brown Cow Vanilla or Horizon Vanilla. I can go for the whole range of fat-free to low-fat to full-fat, depending on my anxiety level. Right now is a fat-free time, but low-fat is most common, due to the creamy texture, and full-fat is a treat (VERRRY creamy and melt-in-your-mouth). Plus it makes my stomach feel full and "good", is the only way I can describe it. But very high cal, so I have be super careful.

    I have a very pretty bowl my prepubescent (therefore normally moody and hard-to-reach/hard-to-read) little bro bought for me as a gift for no reason the other day. VERY sweet. I gave him 2 huge bear hugs, subsequently suffocating and embarrassing him. But it is gorgeous. When I get home from campus I'll have to post a picture if I remember. But my point is, other than that my brother DOES have a sweet bone in him :), that I have a lovely piece to eat my yogurt from, too. All the more perfect to begin starting my yogurt "fast" now.

    Thank you for your support and words of comfort! I still don't know if it's a fast in a sense, but it's a hell of a lot more restricting than I've been doing.

    As for you, sounds like a unique boy, quite a gem. Don't let him go. What a treasure. What a friend.

    Love you dearly, Margie.