05 October 2009

Made Of Dust

I decided to eat a bit today to keep myself from binging. Only a meal though.
And lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of drinks. I had a few bites of a veggie burger (sans un petit pain) with onion, tomato and pickle. I caved and had all of like, five fries, and maybe a sixth of a piece of angel food cake.
Even with the absolutely miniscule protions im having, I still feel really guilty.
She lives with a broken mind...

Update: Eric Forced me to eat a piece of coffee cake. I'm so angry.
And then guess what I did!
BINGED!
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
ihatemyself
FATFATFATFATFATFATFATFATFAT
IHATEMYFATSELF
I really do. Really, and truly. I migh throw out all my food.
That sounds like a plan...

Fasting tomorrow.
I will do it.
I will.
I will.
I will.

First bridge to cross:
Stop fucking being PMS-y and bloated. You retain. EVERYFUCKINGTHING.
I'm talking six pounds water weight.
Second:
Quit breaking fast, Margaret! You're getting fatter by the second.
Third:
Get thin. Please oh please oh please pleas please be thin.

Food:
b-0
l- 1/8 veggie patty, five fries, 1/6 piece of angel food cake (71)
d-0
s-piece of coffe cake (390)
e-
total: 461

Love you,
Margie.

2 comments:

  1. hey you have so much will power and strenght, but I really think you should maybe eat a tiny bit more, just to kept your self healthy, I am happy for you hate you are so strong and you must be so proud, but I don't feel like I can encourage you to keep losing more weight becaus there is nothing left for you too lose
    xx

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  2. that is SO not that much food. our minds are warped from the fast. i was getting antsy and dizzy this morning and was like, better have a soda to fix that, but i'm not eating sugar, so what do i dooo? only THEN did i realize, oh, idiot, maybe you should EAT SOMETHING. that hadn't occurred to me before. weird.

    and angel food cakes do not last 10 seconds in my presence. like, really. i can eat two whole cakes in half an hour. so i am impressed how little you ate!

    LOVE xx x x

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