Oh, Icy.

Yesterday, the world was covered in ice and snow, everything was slick. It was wonderful.

I went sledding for the first time in s very long time. I love the cold. Im looking out my window, and everything still a giant ice cube.

I had a wonderful day. We Ran around, slipped and slid, drank too much coffee, ate too much chilli, and watched too much starwars (but I wasn't complaining.) It was wonderful.

Snow

It's six o clock and beginning to snow. I'm inside alone, looking for a dress for a stupid dance that I didn't get asked to. I want to be outside, playing in the snow like the rest of them. I have no one to go with.

Something I Can't Seem to Understand

She asks me, "Why can't he just be faithful to me?" He has feelings for another girl. He doesn't show them, but she knows it. I feel bad for her, but its hard too. She gets with other guys at parties, she talks about all the boys that are better than he is, how much he drives her crazy, how much she likes a few other boys. It drives me nuts. She isn't faithful to him either.
She really doesn't understand how lucky she is. She has everything. She can pick and choose. She gets what she wants when she wants. But she still complains about it all. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm ready to snap.

So I Officially Hate Men

Especially ones who dump you via text out of absolutely fucking no where, without any real fucking explanation.
Jesus fucking Christ.

Trying Something New

I realized that I'd never really tried a set diet, like ABC or anything. So I went out and looked for one, and I found one I like, and I think I can follow it. It's called the staircase diet, and it goes like this:

Day 1: 1300 calories
Day 2: 1200 calories
Day 3: 1100 calories
Day 4: 1000 calories
Day 5: 900 calories
Day 6: 800 calories
Day 7: 700 calories
Day 8: 600 calories
Day 9: 500 calories
Day 10: 400 calories
Day 11: 300 calories
Day 12: 200 calories
Day 13: 100 calories
Day 14: 0 calories
Day 15: 100 calories
Day 16: 200 calories
Day 17: 300 calories
Day 18: 350 calories
Day 19: 400 calories
Day 20: 450 calories
Day 21: 500 calories
Day 22: 550 calories
Day 23: 600 calories
Day 24: 650 calories
Day 25: 700 calories
Day 26: 750 calories
Day 27: 800 calories
Day 28: 850 calories
Day 29: 900 calories
Day 30: 950 calories
Day 31: 1000 calories
Day 32: 1050 calories
Day 33: 1100 calories
Day 34: 1150 calories
Day 35: 1200 calories
Day 36: 1250 calories

And I think I might just be able to stick to this one. Im starting it today. AND today I get to wallow around in 13oo GLORIOUS calories. Which is exciting, since I'm such a fat ass.

I'm trying to figure out what all I can cram into this limit. Its like trying to figure out how many lovely shoes you can shove into your suitcase to go on vacation. Like a game.

Hmm.

Starting to Improve.

Things are getting a little teeny bits easier as days go on.
I'm still stuck in my need for comfort food, especially in the mornings. I've dreamt about him since Tuesday. Theyve all been this recurring nightmare about seeing his lifeless body everywhere, finding it in all these different places. Except for the dream I had last night. I dreamed that I was at the beach, and that he came and knocked on the door of my beach house. I got really angry at him, and yelled at him for tricking all of us into thinking that he had died. He just laughed and said he couldn't believe all of us had fallen for it. I tried to hug him, but I woke up then. I was crying. I wanted the dream to be real so badly. I sent him a message about it, which is stupid, I know. But I miss him.
Starting restricting again tomorrow.

Sinking

Luke's funeral was yesterday. You should have seen all the people there. So many people loved him. There were times that I couldn't do much else but sob. W held my hand, and tried to hide his own crying, I guess to stay strong. I told him he could cry in front of me.
It's finally starting to hit me that I'm never going to see him again, that he's gone forever. The shock of it all is subsiding, and is being turned into grief. They buried him today at 11:30 this morning. He's already in the ground.
I'm at school again, and everyone's being so supportive. I only know a few other people here who knew him, but I don't know how close they were to him.
My eating has been atrocious. It's all been comfort food. I'm so frustrated.