21 December 2009


So, I'm at home, finally finished with everything. As nice as that is, it's also awful. I'm becoming a hermit, who's also being force-fed by her mother. She has to watch me eat, and I have to eat it all. And dammit, I'm getting fat. I'm up at about one hundred pounds. During exams, I ate like a fat ass, all while promising myself to start restricting as soon as they were over. But, I didn't know that this was going to happen. I don't know what to do. I'm lost and getting huge.


  1. Aw hun *cuddle*
    It's all the same this time of year though :(
    You'll do just fine in the new year. Don't get too down.


  2. When are you leaving the surveillance of your parents again?
    I know you are freaking out now, but you are so strong that I know you can do it as soon as you are given the right circumstances. If you did it once, you can do it again.
    You are so cute and I wish that this wasnt happening to you, force fed is so stressful. x

  3. MARGARET! so so so glad to hear from you, i missed you something wretched!

    iloveyoudon'tbesaddon'tfreakout! holidays are a bad bad time for us all. i am about to face two weeks of solid non-stop eating, in PARIS, no less, with baguettes and cheese and crepes on every street corner and two giant dinners on xmas day and the 26th. with family, who don't know about my food issues (this time round) but who WILL probably notice that i am considerably thinner than the last time they saw me. so...FOOD and STRESS and FOOD and FAT and FOOD and FAT and FAT and FAT.

    it's all right. there is always january. there is always january. whatever weight you have put on is mostly food weight and will come off easily as soon as you can get away from your family.

    so darling, don't worry! you'll be thin again soon (not that you're not already at 100 lbs!).

    is there even one way you can possibly enjoy being fed by mommy? if you try to remember very hard that once january comes round you can lose it all again? i think sometimes that is the only way to handle the holidays...just suck it up and wallow in the inevitability and keep in mind that you can always always lose it again in january.

    i love you keep your chin up, we are almost to january and you are almost back at school where you can stop eating again...

    xoox xo xoxo

  4. You're so sweet.

    I missed you, too, Margaret!!! I think we all sort of took a respite during the stressful times of finals and then the necessary rest afterwards.

    I hope you're doing well.