today i rediscovered the joys of chewing and spitting.

oh. my. god.

i am in heaven(hell)

im just so tired

i can hardly sit or speak

if only i could sleep for the rest of this year

just go back into hibernation

until everything is over

i ate so little, and exercised so much yesterday

im achey and moody

i still have homework to do and i have class in thirty minutes

so much apathy

too much to handle

a and i are taking a break

ten months

ten months

im sorry im crazy

im sorry i cant communicate

im sorry i asked too much of you

im sorry

this is all my fault

so they called. and all they asked me was if i had any questions.

i said i didnt really have any.

crisis averted. thats me for ya, freaking out over nothing like that.

in lighter news, i only ate 430 cals and 8g fat yesterday, and my roommate has been bringing me diet pills. they work like a dream. they don't make me too shaky, but they give me a little pep, and they make me not want to eat. its great.

b-diet coke, 0

l- 3/4 wrap, 1 tsp honey mustard, 208, 4.12g

d- 3/4 hummus sandwich, sugar free jello, 158, 3.75g

s- 4 now and laters, 52.8, .04g

--margie

for some reason two days ago i called an inpatient treatment center

i dont know what came over me

theyre going to call me this afternoon

im too fat for treatment anyways

im gargantuan.

theyll probably just laugh when i say "five feet two inches, one hundred and four pounds"

thats too fat for treatment

i dont know what to do or what to say

i dont want this

i dont want to get better

im not ready to admit defeat

im not ready

how are people planning to not blow up today?

i hate thanksgiving.

i hate food.

i havent been able to write in so long it feels like

that damn school internet block blocks my blog for some reason.

ive been so in between things

same as ever

i just want to be back fully stuck in my ways

starving and cold and cranky