03 September 2010

due to my constant monitoring, i haven't been able to restrict.
i got so mad at a the other night because i can feel everyone watching me eat.
on top of that, i've been having horrible digestive problems for the past few months. i talked to a about it, and he said sweetly, "it's probably from starving yourself for such a long time, baby"
i don't want to agree with him, but i know he's right. i hate it when they're right.
i just can't seem to get to that happy place, where i'm restricting and small and beautiful, or when im enormous and fat and eating all the time, but i don't mind it.
i'm still stuck in the middle. the ugly, fat, sticky middle.


  1. I am there with you. I can only offer you my warmest hugs. Hug a teddy for me, that is my hug to you.

  2. i'm stuck in that exact same place and i hate it. my boyfriend goes on about those same things. i don't think other people understand that healthy isn't the top priority. let's go back to the happy place, shall we? there's really no other way to do it than fight and just do it. i'm with you.

    love, io