The Loss of Another Friend.

Tonight, one of my oldest friends was killed in an accident.
I don't know why God chose to take him. It's so weird the way these things work. I called him at around one today to see if he wanted to hang out sometime this weekend. He said sure. He went hunting with another guy, some guy I don't know as well. He was shot in the back of the head. He was comatose for a few hours and then died. He was just eighteen.
I don't know why these things happen. First Blair, now Luke.
It just doesn't make sense.

Good Day.

427. Things are improving.

FUCKKKKK

I already fucking broke regimine. It's been what, like two hours?
I had fucking pasta. Bright side- it was 111 cals, but still. This is what I've been doing.
I'm probably brushing just over one hundred right now.
RAHHHAARRRRRRRR.
I am very frustrated to say the least.

Worse.

Self-control, why have you left me? Where did you go? We used to be the best of friends. Now you're gone, and I am fat.
I just keep ballooning up, my clothes all fit again, my boobs have gotten enormous (I don't really mind that, except for the fact that my boobs are the last place I gain weight) and my thighs are disgusting and jiggly and WAY too close to touching.
I am a fucking cow.
SO. It's time for me to quit being a lazy fatass, and stop eating and maybe start exercizing.
This is my new regemine:

Breakfast- Protein bar (160)

Lunch- Small salad and sandwich or soup (all under 100)

Dinner- Small salad and veggies, sandwich, soup, or sushi (all under 200)

ABSOLUTELY NO SNACKS.

If I can stick to that, I won't get over five hundred. My problem lately hasn't really been meals, it's been snacks. I need to keep myself busy and full of enough liquid to keep from snacking. Any tips on that matter would be amazing.

Love you always,

Margie.

Better.

Haning a much better day today, eating wise. Two protein bars, and sushi later, coming to a total of about 508. It's much better than I've been doing recently.

Thanks so much for the the support all of you have been giving me. It means so much.

Hrmph.

Binged again today. It was the first thing I did when I woke up. Ate a half a bag of Reese's. I feel nasty. W was supposed to come and visit me today, but his car wouldn't start this morning. It's going to be another day alone.

Thing to do Alone.

Watch "The Hangover." Finish "The Hangover." Text. Wait for response. No response. Open can of soup. Find a seemingly clean bowl. Pick out a strand of roomate's hair. Gag. Wash bowl. Pour soup into clean bowl. Walk downstairs to use microwave. Listen to "UP" being played in the recroom next door. Ding. Walk upstairs with soup. Eat soup. Wash bowl again, while humming the theme from "UP." Put Bowl away in drawer under the bed. Sit under the bed for a spell. Stack things. Two jars of nutella. Four boxes of protein bars. The jars of peanut butter. Six packs of ramen, oriental flavor. Try to imitate Zooey Deschanel's beautiful singing. Two boxes of oreos. Two packs of diet coke. One bag of marshmellows. Get bag of marshmellows. Lie on back in bed. Eat a few. Make gooey blobs of marshmellow goo between thumbs and forefinger. Suck on marshmellow, and throw it onto the ceiling. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Watch them fall like the snow that fell a few times this week but never cancelled school. Clean bed. Glower at the ever growing pile of clothes and other various and sundry items that live in my desk chair. Get back in bed. Six thirty. Close eyes. Breathe.